


Bouncy Bed Game (alternately titled: Karkat Regrets His Life Choices)

by UnhelpfulPanda



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Creampie, M/M, also maybe almost implied solkat, college dorm au, dave screams about brother bear because so do i, dave's a screamer, i can't think of any other tags rn, implied past davekat - Freeform, john wears socks, maybe? you could interpret that part in different ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 05:10:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7999798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnhelpfulPanda/pseuds/UnhelpfulPanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat comes to stay at John and Dave's dorm and they decide to prank him. The prank gets a bit sexier than expected. And then John and Dave bang all night while Karkat tries to sleep in the other room and Karkat regrets his life choices, and not for the first time I suspect.</p><p>inspired by <a href="http://dzueni.tumblr.com/post/148533915032"> Dzu's hilarious and amazing art</a> </p><p>except I turned it into porn when it wasn't.  (I'm good at that)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bouncy Bed Game (alternately titled: Karkat Regrets His Life Choices)

**Author's Note:**

> I really like [ dzueni](http://dzueni.tumblr.com)'s art and I really wanted to write them something inspired by their art. I'm not very happy with how it turned out but I think that's just because I'm gifting it to an artist I admire and I'm overly critical of myself.
> 
> Shoutout to my rabbits, who didn't judge me when I stared at them awkwardly as I tried to figure out how to word things during the sex scene. It was weird when we made eye contact but you still didn't judge me and I love you
> 
> another shoutout to the people who encouraged me not to give up when I didn't like how it was turning out and encouraged me to rewrite the part I didn't like.
> 
> and of course a big huge thanks to Dzu for the inspiration. Enjoy!

            John and Dave, roommates for a year but best friends for what felt like forever, were arguing Star Trek versus Star Wars.

            “You cannot tell me you don’t think Anakin Skywalker is an Edgelord McAngstface!” John shouted, throwing his hands into the air.

            “And you can’t tell me you don’t think that laser swords aren’t the most dope shit since Snoop Dogg,” Dave replied.

            “They don’t make sense!” John retorted.

            “You know what doesn’t make sense? Those pointy eared bastards with no emotions,” Dave countered as he snatched the remote from John’s side to put on Star Wars.

            “ _You_ are a pointy eared bastard with no emotions!” John accused, then amended, “only, without the pointy ears.”

            “Excuse you, I have at least 3 emotions,” Dave corrected. John crossed his arms and pouted like a petulant child.

            “At least I don’t cry watching Brother Bear,” he mumbled under his breath.

            “He killed the little bear’s mom and then thEY BECAME LIKE BROTHERS BUT HE DIDN’T TELL HIM HIS MOM WAS DEAD AND-!” John answered Dave’s phone as the other rambled passionately about the Disney movie.

            “Hi, Karkat!” John greeted.

            “ _Why do I hear Dave yelling? Have you finally begun your descent into being a serial killer, starting with the insufferable prick?_ ”

            “No, I brought up Brother Bear,” John replied with a shrug Karkat couldn’t see.

            “ _You absolute madman._ ” Dave came over and took the phone, putting it on speaker.

            “I’m okay now. Sup, Vantas?” he said smoothly, as if he hadn’t been screaming a second ago about animated adopted bear brothers.

            “ _I’m coming over to stay at your dorm for the night. Sollux is having some kind of programmer tournament and I **guess** I’m TOO MUCH OF A DISTRACTION FOR HIM!!_ ”

            “ _Fuck you, Vantath. I will literally fight you._ ”

            “ _TRY IT, FUCKFACE, I WIL **END** YOU!!_”

            “Is everything okay?” John asked cautiously.

            “ _Yeah, everything’s fine. I’ll bring pizza as long as I don’t have to sleep on the couch._ ”

            “I dunno, Karkat… can you handle Dave and I having loud passionate buttsex?” John asked, glancing up at Dave. Dave stared at him with wide eyes until he motioned to the phone meaningfully.

            “Oh. OH, yeah, Karkat, we get pretty loud. John loves it when I put things up his butt,” Dave played along. John glared at him but continued

            “Yeah, Karkat, it might get too loud for you…Dave’s a screamer _and_ a crier…” John trailed off, smirking back at Dave. Dave gave him the middle finger.

            “ _Please spare me the idiocy. I know that Dave swings both ways but you are insistent that you are heterosexual, John. I’ll take it as a yes on me coming over?_ ”

            “Yes, Vantas, you can come have a sleepover with us. We’ll paint our nails and gossip while watching romcoms,” Dave confirmed.

            “ _FUCK YOU._ ” **Click**.

            “You know he’s actual going to bring over some of his romcoms,” John pointed out.

            “Um, yeah duh, how else will we watch romcoms if he doesn’t?” Dave scoffed as he turned Star Wars back on.

            “Wait, you were serious?”

            “Dead serious. I’m painting my toes hot pink and maybe a dark red for my fingers? We’ll see,” Dave replied.

            “You are not painting my nails,” John huffed.

            “We’ll see,” Dave reiterated.

 

* * *

 

            When it was time for the three men to head to bed, they mutually agreed that Karkat would take John’s slightly smaller yet much cleaner room, which John and Dave would share Dave’s cluttered pigsty of a room. Or, rather, Dave and Karkat agreed while John whined and complained.

            Dave and John bid Karkat goodnight and headed towards Dave’s room, holding the sodas Karkat had gotten them along with the pizza. John was _still_ complaining about the dark blue color they had convinced him to let them apply to his nails when Dave stopped suddenly outside of his door, making John bump into him. “Hey, what-?” John started.

            Dave motioned for John to be quiet, then opened his door rather loudly, much to the brunette’s confusion. John watched as Dave banged himself into the wall beside the door. He glanced at John wickedly and then let out a lewd moan.

            John caught on quickly, snickering. He let out an over exaggerated moan of his own and watched Dave jump onto his bed, knocking the headboard into the wall and making the bed squeak.

            Dave made a few more sounds, and John followed, climbing onto the bed beside Dave, who stood up and began hopping from foot to foot to make the bed squeak more. They heard a muffled, “ _what the fuck_?” from the other side of the wall. John covered his mouth to hold in his laughter, glancing back at Dave. Dave picked his soda back up, pointing at it and looking down at John.

            John frowned, trying to figure out what that was for, until Dave took hold of the straw and made a loud, obnoxious ‘ _SLUUUUUUUURP_!’ noise. John spluttered a bit trying to hold in his laughter and then let out a loud, “OOOOOOH DAAAAVE!!!”

            John let Dave worry about the bed squeaking and the hilarious occasional slurping noises as he moaned and banged his fists on the wall his room shared with Dave’s.

            Suddenly, Dave’s foot nudged his back. John looked over his shoulder to see what the blonde wanted. Dave leaned forward and whispered just loud enough for the blue eyed boy to hear. “Dude!” he hissed, “you sound so fake! Haven’t you ever had sex?” he demanded.

            “Yes, I have!” John retorted, tempted to push his red eyed roommate off the bed.

            “If they were moaning like you are now, you must have been doing a pisspoor job. Make your moans sound _real_ , or it won’t be as funny!” Dave explained. John glared at him. Oh, he’ll give him _real_.

            John took a deep breath while Dave started making the bed squeak again. He thought about what real moans sounded like. It was going to be hella embarrassing for him and maybe awkward for Dave, but it would make Karkat absolutely shit his pants thinking they were _really_ fucking! Do it for the prankster’s gambit, John!

            So John opened up his mouth and let out the filthiest sounding moan. Dave froze in his tracks, eyes wide. John made another of those lewd noises that were straight out of a wet dream, and then he called Dave’s name in the most seductive way Dave had ever heard his name spoken.

            John shot Dave a look as if to say, ‘ _why’d you stop jumping_??’ and Dave hesitantly started bouncing on the bed again. But he couldn’t keep his concentration, not when John was making noises like _that_ … oh shit, Dave had a boner.

            John continued to bang on the wall and make noises, smugly noticing that Dave’s cheeks and ears were bright red. He wasn’t _usually_ so competitive… okay, yes he was. Especially when it came to Dave; any chance to compete with the Strider was taken. This time was no exception. And if Dave’s reaction and now lack of bed jumping was anything to go by, John would say he’s won this particular competition. When it went from a prank on Karkat to a competition with Dave he didn’t know; all that mattered was that he won.

            John decided to rethink his winning status when Dave’s hands wrapped around him from behind. John broke off mid-moan to give a genuine yelp. “What are you doing??” he hissed at the blonde, trying to crane his neck to see him.

            The uncovered red eyes blazing with something unknown made him wish he hadn’t turned to look. “Don’t worry about it; just keep doing what you’re doing,” Dave replied, hands running up and down John’s chest and stomach in a sensual way he wasn’t used to being touched in. It was odd, but not unpleasant. On the contrary; Dave’s hands were soft and cool against his warm skin where he had slipped them up John’s shirt.

            As he was told, John continued to bang against the wall and make lewd noises. He was hyper aware of Dave’s hands, however, especially when they wandered down to play with the button of his jeans. This was slowly entering into no homo territory, and John wasn’t sure if he should-

            John’s thoughts stuttered to a halt with the hand on his dick. His own hand shot out to grab Dave’s wrist, but he didn’t try to pull the hand away from his crotch. “You okay?” Dave whispered, breath hot against John’s ear. John nodded quickly, not being able to form words. They had both gone silent, effectively ruining their prank on Karkat, but that was the farthest thing from either of their minds at this point.

            John would be lying if he said that he hadn’t thought unsavory things about his roommate. Dave had a habit of walking around barely clothed. Combine that with his unlucky (or was it lucky?) timing and his habit of busting into rooms without knocking, and they had experienced some… awkward situations together.

            But this was spiraling from ‘awkward’ straight into ‘homoerotic’, and John really couldn’t say he wasn’t enjoying himself. After all, there’s nothing quite like getting jerked off with a hand that isn’t your own. Even if that hand happens to belong to your male best friend.

            While John was going back and forth between his thoughts and the circumstances at hand (pun intended), Dave was a lot more focused. He didn’t care about how gay it was or how much he had previously thought about it; he was openly bisexual! He knew how much he enjoyed a man’s meat stick. What he hadn’t been expecting was John’s willingness to go along with being fondled by a dude. Wasn’t he adamant about his status as a heterosexual?

            “Tell me to stop and I will,” Dave murmured into the brunette’s ear, just in case John didn’t know he had a way out of the situation. The last thing he wanted to do was force John into something he didn’t want.

            “Stop and I’ll punch you in the cock,” John retorted, and Dave let himself chuckle.

            “Why don’t you suck it instead?” he purred, and he could feel the full body shudder he got in return. Dave pulled back his hand as John turned to face him, letting himself fall backwards onto his back when John pushed at his shoulders.

            John tugged the blonde’s boxers down to mid thigh before licking his exposed erection from base to tip. Dave bit his lip at the sensation, resisting the urge to tangle his fingers in the dark tousled hair at his hips. “First time sucking dick?” he asked absentmindedly, watching with rapt attention as John’s tongue circled the head teasingly.

            “Nope,” was John’s only response before he fit just the head into his mouth and sucked. Dave didn’t even really have time to process the answer before he was bucking his hips with a gasp. John pushed his hips back down onto the bed, locking his blue eyes with Dave’s hazy red ones before slowly taking Dave into his mouth as far as he could.

            John wrapped a hand around what he couldn’t fit his mouth around, bobbing his head up and down as Dave let out a few shaky moans he couldn’t contain. Dave let his head fall back with the sensation, only to jerk his head back up with a yelp when John slapped his thigh.

            John pulled off Dave’s dick with an erotic wet ‘pop’. “Keep your eyes on me,” he ordered, hot breath fanning over the sensitive skin slick with spit. Dave nodded keenly, eager to get his partner’s mouth back around him. John flicked his tongue against the sensitive part just under the head of Dave’s dick and then pulled away entirely.

            Dave whined and squirmed at the sudden stop, trying to sit up. John pushed him back down against the bed, gently but firmly, and then rid himself of his clothes. They were starting to become stifling. “Where’s your lube?” he asked. Dave tried to sit up again, only to be pushed back. “Just point.”

            Dave pointed to his desk drawer, watching eagerly as John went to retrieve the bottle. John grabbed the blonde’s hand and squirted some lube onto his fingers, then moved the fingers behind him. Dave got the message and pressed a finger against John’s hole, waiting for the go ahead. When John nodded his permission, Dave pressed his finger in to the knuckle, watching carefully for any signs of discomfort on his partner’s face.

            Both stayed silent save for the small gasps and moans coming from John as Dave thrust his finger in and out. “Y-you weren’t exactly wrong when you said I liked taking it up the ass,” John murmured abruptly. Dave blinked up at him curiously. John amended hastily, “Don’t get me wrong! I’m most definitely going to pound your ass before we’re done here. I just-”

            “You don’t have to explain,” Dave cut him off, crooking his finger and watching John’s eyelids flutter as he let out another moan. “You like what you like. I look forward to getting buttfucked, of course, but I can play with you a bit before then,” he gave a small smirk to the flustered brunette. “As long as you return the favor?” he added hopefully.

            John snatched up the bottle of lube again, coating his own fingers and pushing two fingers at once into his partner. Dave arched his back with a loud, “Jesus _fuck_ , John!”

            “Hurt?” John asked worriedly.

            “Hell no, keep going,” Dave retorted, mimicking John and adding another finger to the brunette’s ass. John gasped loudly, resisting the urge to bury his face in Dave’s shoulder and ruin his angle. It’s hard to finger someone’s asshole when your arm is squished between your bodies, after all.

            When John was sure his lover was stretched enough, he gently removed his fingers and tugged at Dave’s arm to get him to do the same. He hissed at the loss, but also knew that Dave’s ass would more than make up for it. “Lift your legs,” he ordered, and Dave did as he was told to get a better angle. John glanced around. “Do you have a condom?”

            “Uh…no,” Dave trailed off. “I’ve gotten tested before though, no STDs, I promise,” he added quickly.

            “I’m sure you are, and so am I. But that’s not exactly the issue. I’m thinking more along the lines of cleanup,” John responded.

            “It’s not an issue, I’m telling you,” Dave retorted insistently. John frowned down impatiently at his blonde lover.

            “And what will you do when I cum in your ass and make a mess of you?” he demanded.

            “Probably moan and ask you to take a picture for me?” Dave responded, watching smugly at John’s cheeks and ears turned dark red. “Can you put your dick in my ass now?” he added, lack of patience clear in his voice.

            John held one of Dave’s legs out of the way with one hand while the other held him steady as he pushed into his partner’s prepped ass. Dave measured his breathing to relax enough for John to continue pushing in.

            The process was slow and borderline painful for Dave, not quite hitting that ‘ow that hurts stop moving’ point but definitely getting close. He didn’t even realize he was holding his breath until John’s hips bumped against his butt, much to his relief. If it took any longer he would probably have to call for a break early.

            “Tell me when I can move, okay?” John asked gently. Dave nodded, silently, unsure if he could trust his voice to do what he wanted it to do. John used the hand not holding Dave’s leg up to rub soothing circles into his hip until Dave was relaxed enough to give him the go-ahead.

            John let go of his red-eyed lover’s leg, leaning in to kiss him for the first time since they began this impromptu romp. Dave let his lips quirk into the kiss, wrapping his legs around John’s waist. John slowly pulled out halfway before thrusting back in, not fast but definitely hard. Dave let out a shaky moan, not expecting the strength behind the thrust. Which, honestly he should have expected it; John was much stronger than he looked and Dave knew that very well. He just didn’t know it translated so well in bed.

            John kissed his way down to Dave’s neck, where he nipped and bit at the sensitive area as he worked up a rhythm with his hips. Dave arched his back, arms wrapping around John as well as his legs, like some kind of weird sex koala…….. John groaned into Dave’s neck and decided he would stop focusing on equating his lover’s movements with animals and instead focus on what he was doing.

            Dave could pinpoint the exact moment when John started focusing on what he was doing, too, because he started thrusting much harder and definitely faster. Dave arched his back with a moan bordering on a scream.

            So maybe he had guessed that John liked things up his butt, but John had also pinpointed Dave as a screamer correctly. He wasn’t there _yet_ , but he knew from previous experience that if he didn’t cover his mouth he would be definitely screaming. But before he could uncurl his arm from around the brunette to do so, John had hit a spot that _did_ have him screaming, nails scratching unintentionally down the other man’s back.

            “Again?” John smirked against Dave’s neck, but didn’t wait for a reply from the breathless blonde before he angled his hips and hitting what he assumed was Dave’s prostate dead on. Dave threw his head back and moaned loudly.

            John gripped Dave’s hips hard enough to undoubtedly leave bruises in the morning and began thrusting so hard that the bed frame started knocking against the walls for _real_ this time, but Dave was screaming so loud that neither of them could hear it. John reached between them to wrap his hand around the blonde’s neglected dick and Dave let out a loud, “FUCK, JOHN, YES!!!” John moaned in agreement, working them both to their finish.

            Dave arched his back in a silent scream as he came harder than he ever had before, clenching around John until the brunette was gasping his name and coming inside him, earning another, raspier moan from his red eyed lover.

            John pulled out slowly, watching as his cum trickled out of the other’s hole. “That’s a pretty hot creampie…” he admitted breathless, feeling around for his discarded jeans and pulling out his cellphone. “Want me to take a pic? Just for us, of course,” he offered. Dave nodded, still gasping for air, so John went ahead and took a few pictures and then tossed the phone aside and curled up next to his thoroughly fucked roommate.

            “Were…were you…” Dave panted out, unable to speak while he was still trying to get his breath back.

            “Jesus, dude. Catch your breath before you try to talk,” John snorted, running his fingers through Dave’s blonde hair, damp with sweat. Dave spent a few moments evening out his breathing before he was finally able to speak again.

            “Were you wearing your socks the whole time we were fucking?” he finally asked, his voice croaky like a frog from all the screaming. John blinked, confused, and looked down at his socked feet.

            “Yeah, I guess so. Why?” he inquired. Dave pulled the pillow out from under his head and hit John in the face with it.

            “I can’t believe you fucked my ass while wearing _socks_ , Egbert!” Dave complained, and John pulled the pillow from his face just in time to see Dave rubbing at his eyes.

            “Dude, enough about my socks, did you genuinely tear up when you came?” John grinned. Dave shot him a glare and he held up his hands in defense. “I’m not making fun of you; I think it’s cute, is all!” He added. Dave huffed and laid back down, letting John curl up against him again.

            “Shut up and let me sleep,” he grumbled.

            “Shouldn’t you shower?” John questioned even as he rolled over and let Dave spoon him.

            “Shut up and let me sleep,” Dave repeated, and John shrugged and didn’t argue further. He was tired, too, and it wouldn’t be _him_ suffering tomorrow morning.

 

* * *

 

            The next morning, after John and Dave got out of the shower (together, “to preserve hot water”, John had said), Karkat was waiting for them with bags under his eyes, a cup of coffee secured in his hold, and the nastiest glare they had ever gotten.

            “You two _genuinely_ , _actually_ , _for real_ , had extremely loud sex while I was on the other side of a thin ass wall,” he began.

            “Fuck…” John muttered.

            “At first it was a joke, I could tell, and while annoying I knew you’d get bored and go to sleep eventually. But then you started to ACTUALLY HAVE SEX!! I KNOW HOW DAVE SOUNDS WHEN HE’S ACTUALLY HAVING SEX; I KNOW WHAT WAS REAL AND WHAT WASN’T!” Karkat screeched.

            “How do you know what Dave’s sex noises sound like…?” John began to ask, only to have Dave place a hand on his shoulder and shake his head.

            “Mark my words, Egbert: I am NEVER staying over at you and Strider’s dorm ever again! You hear me? NEVER AGAIN!!” Karkat shouted.

            “Okay, Karkat! We get it!” John retorted.

            “In fact, I would rather asphyxiate on my own shit than have a repeat of last night! I would rather be suffocated to death by Sollux’s testic- you know what? I’m not finishing that one,” Karkat cut himself off, then turned to Dave. “And you! Don’t you have anything to say for yourself, you insufferable piece of genital herpes??” he demanded.

            Dave’s cheeks colored and he adjusted his shades on his face and awkwardly shrugged. “He lost his voice because of all the screaming last night,” John explained, earning himself a pinch. “Ow!”

            “I. Cannot. BELIEVE YOU TWO!!” Karkat shouted as he grabbed his bag and stormed to the front door. “SO MUCH FOR BEING STRAIGHT, EGBERT!” he yelled as he opened up the door. A pink slip of paper caught all three of their attentions.

            “What is that?” John asked as Karkat began to laugh hysterically. Dave ran up and snatched the paper, and his cheeks and ears went bright red.

            “It’s…it’s a noise complaint!” Karkat wheezed through his laughter, wiping away tears he was laughing so hard. Dave tried to snap something back to him, but his voice was croaky and just made Karkat laugh harder as he left the dorm, Dave slamming the door behind him.

            “Well…at least we know for next time to cover your mouth, huh?” John said sheepishly. Dave shoved him, but the promise of a next time had them both smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> endings are my weakest point lol
> 
> the implied davekat is more a joke than anything, so don't really read too much into it lol especially since Dzu doesn't like davekat (which honestly I forgot at the point but I liked the joke so I'm just going to keep it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯)


End file.
